He’s Anti-Christmas. He’s Anti-Family.

Jim Gaffigan is hilarious.  One of his signature “moves” is to voice the comments of shocked audience members during his set after each jokes.

Workin’ Nine to Five

Hee. Good friend and overexplainer of jokes, Christina posted a good pie chart about how a, um, “friend” spend his/her time on the job. Try not to get yourself Dooced, kiddo.

Why Jokes About Cancer and Rapists Are Not Funny

Explanation of Why the Downfall Meme is So Funny (to German Speaking People)

If you’ve enjoyed the Downfall Meme videos like the ones about the Xbox, the Hillary Campaign, and the World of Warcraft, then you probably speak English.  For German speaking viewers, the joke is a bit lost.  Well, this variation explains why these videos are so funny to all you German speaking people.  (caution, some subtitles use adult language)

The Joke Assassin

In high school, we had a friend we nicknamed “the Joke Assassin.” I’m sure everyone knows someone like this, that guy who can’t help but explain and repeat every joke until it’s not funny anymore. With this guy, it was funny sayings and quotes. Simpsons stuff, for the most part.

He would end every sentence with “In-deedly-doodly!” until we begged him to stop.

He would refer to another friend’s saxaphone as a “sax-a-ma-phone” every time he saw it.

You get the idea.

By calling this guy “the Joke Assassin,” we were hoping he would pick up on our not-so-subtle message that he needed to cut it out. But we underestimated his dedication to his craft. He managed to turn the tables on us, killing the joke in his own nickname until we couldn’t use it anymore.

“That’s right, I’m the Joke Assassin! Haha! I kill jokes dead! Don’t let me hear your jokes, because I’ll murder ‘em! In the night! With extreme prejudice! Get it?”

He was a diabolical genius, in his own way.

10 Things I Don’t Miss about Commuting by Bus

Top ten things I don’t miss about taking the bus:

10: Buses that are early.
9: Buses that are late.
8: Buses that are on time when I’m late.
7: Was it always this cold waiting at the bus stop?
6: Hat head.
5: That giant puddle everyone keeps driving through.
4: The sweet smell of Eau d’ Hobo.
3: Lots more quality time with the Facebook app on my iPhone.
2: During the summer, sweating profusely in the bus seat, just like whoever sat here before me.
1: Crowded bus stops, or as they’re known in pan-handler parlance: a good place to barf.

TP Texts

TP texts: text messages, emails, tweets, and Facebook updates sent from your iPhone while you’re on the pot in the bathroom.

Example 1:
“Quit TP texting and get out of the bathroom! I need to get ready for work!”

Example 2:
“Ugh. Dude. Did you just TP text that tweet? That’s nasty. I gotta go decontaminate my keyboard. Does Norton Antivirus catch staphylococcus and rotavirus?”

Example 3:
“If my girl ever finds out our sexy texting is actually TP texting, I’m a dead man.”

Example 4:
“TP texting is plain wrong. For the same reason you don’t touch the magazines in someone else’s bathroom. It might be perfectly clean, but I don’t know that. Plus I can’t ever wash away the mental image of you thumbing one-handed. *shudder*.”