10: Buses that are early.
9: Buses that are late.
8: Buses that are on time when I’m late.
7: Was it always this cold waiting at the bus stop?
6: Hat head.
5: That giant puddle everyone keeps driving through.
4: The sweet smell of Eau d’ Hobo.
3: Lots more quality time with the Facebook app on my iPhone.
2: During the summer, sweating profusely in the bus seat, just like whoever sat here before me.
1: Crowded bus stops, or as they’re known in pan-handler parlance: a good place to barf.
TP texts: text messages, emails, tweets, and Facebook updates sent from your iPhone while you’re on the pot in the bathroom.
Example 1:
“Quit TP texting and get out of the bathroom! I need to get ready for work!”
Example 2:
“Ugh. Dude. Did you just TP text that tweet? That’s nasty. I gotta go decontaminate my keyboard. Does Norton Antivirus catch staphylococcus and rotavirus?”
Example 3:
“If my girl ever finds out our sexy texting is actually TP texting, I’m a dead man.”
Example 4:
“TP texting is plain wrong. For the same reason you don’t touch the magazines in someone else’s bathroom. It might be perfectly clean, but I don’t know that. Plus I can’t ever wash away the mental image of you thumbing one-handed. *shudder*.”
My friend Chava had the most brilliant Facebook status yesterday:
Chava has more high school friends on Facebook than she ever had in high school.
Get it? It only take 5 minutes with a Facebook account and you are bombarded with friend requests from your 10th grade biology lab partner, your first girlfriend from junior high, a handful of folks you don’t remember at all even though you graduated with them.
That’s why it is funny. People you never knew in high school will totally be your friends online. You CAN be popular, even though I..uh, I mean you, were a total dork as a teenager.
As I mentioned before, I work at an interactive marketing agency. Our newly trademarked tagline is “Lead with Interactive.” And on the new site, there’s this terrible video of me (and soon, others) explaining what Lead with Interactive means to them. Why I seem unable to speak and squint at the same time is a mystery to me. Thinking appears to be physically painful. Ugh.
Anyway, the launch of our new website and the tagline coincided with our Halloween party, so I shot a second spoof video to share with the team.
Warning: Language at the end gets a little NSFW. Because nothing’s funnier than the F-bomb.
Overexplained Jokes, confessions | thom | 
November 25, 2008 7:39 am | 
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